Addiction Recovery: A road less traveled

Movies from my childhood One of my favorite movies growing up was Disney's "Lion King." It's a familiar story modeled after Shakespeare's "Hamlet." Simba, the young hero, is framed by Scar, his uncle, for the death of Mufasa, Simba's father, and Scar's brother. After Mufasa's death, Scar encourages Simba to run away, so he does. In so doing, Simba ran from his past. After running and coming in contact with two other characters, Timon and Pumbaa, Simba runs into a "lion" from his past: Nala. Growing up, Simba and Nala were friends. More importantly, Nala knew that Simba was the rightful king. The song "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" is sung after Simba and Nala reunite. During this song, Simba says, "So many things to tell her. But how to make her see. The truth about my past? Impossible! She'd turn away from me." In the next stanza, Nala sings: "He's holding back, he's hiding. But what, I can...

Maps are cool! I loved being a boy scout growing up. I was part of an independent scout troop. We went everywhere! It was an amazing experience for me.  One of the merit badges that I enjoyed was the orienteering merit badge. This merit badge, among other things, introduced young men to the skill of using a map to help them get from point A to point B. The first step in understanding how to use a map was to orient the map. This meant using a compass to identify which direction was north, orienting the map accordingly, and then taking the appropriate bearings.  My dad and I practice using the compass a lot, along with using a compass. We started with a map of our neighborhood. Dad would map out a route, and I would need to use our map to go from point to point until I arrived at the final location. Gradually, we traded out the neighborhood map with a topographical map of different areas were would explore.  On one specific scout camp, I recall our leaders taking us up the ...

Professionally, I'm a data professional. I enjoy finding patterns, building dashboards, and performing analyses. Several months ago, I had a three screen set up: two large external screens and my laptop screen. I was productive and enjoying the good life. Then, on April 2, 2024, I became a father to a beautiful baby girl.  When I returned to work, I found my setup didn't help me. I wanted to use my external screens, but my baby girl needed attention at various spots throughout the day. I found myself complaining to my wife about not working the way I liked to and watching my baby girl while my wife was at work. After that discussion, I realized how prideful I had been and that I was the one who needed to change. As I thought about what I could do to be a good employee and still provide for my daughter while my wife was at work, this thought came to me: remove the external screens and work on just your laptop.  I initially dismissed the idea. As I worked the next few days, I co...

On my recovery journey, I can honestly say much of my effort has been in the first 9 steps. Developing faith in Jesus Christ, meeting with a sponsor, meeting with bishops, and making amends are time-intensive. I often daydreamed of what my life would be like on the other side of the first 9 steps. To my surprise, life after the first 9 steps was like my life during the first 9 steps.  Let me give you one example. While I was meeting with my sponsor to discuss my progress, I noticed my sponsor get a look on his face. He asked for a quick moment, wrote something down, pulled out his phone, and shot off a text. I inquired what he had done. He smiled and told me he remembered something he had done in the past. He recognized he needed forgiveness for it and wrote down the name of the individual he needed to connect with to make amends.  I was taken aback. In a matter of minutes, my sponsor had done steps 4-9. I couldn't believe it. It had taken me days, and sometimes weeks, to work...

There is a big push in the world today to develop passive income. The advertisements to develop passive income can be seen all over social media, news outlets, and folks just talking about it. For those who don’t know, passive income is an income stream that brings in money with minimal effort. It basically requires a little investment up front and then it runs itself. This idea of passive income made me think of addiction and addiction recovery. Addiction is similar to passive income. Addiction starts small, with a little ‘investment’. Then it begins to build. The addiction develops into something bigger and bigger. Soon enough, it’s a raging monster that is out of control. Addiction recovery, however, is not passive at all. Addiction recovery takes effort and determination. Addiction recovery takes consistent, daily effort no matter where you are along the addiction recovery journey. This realization that addiction recovery is not passive didn’t click for me for some time. I just e...

A common question I had before I started my addiction recovery journey was where can I turn to for peace? I had landed in a place where all I wanted was peace, and I could not find it. I had learned to turn to the thing that was driving me to destruction. Pornography was not bringing me peace. It was leading me to absolute hell. I didn’t really know where to turn to. What I didn’t realize was it wasn’t a question of where to turn to. It was a question of who can I turn to? One of my favorite hymns, “Where can I Turn for Peace?” , provides an answer to that question. In verse 2, we read, “Where, when my aching grows, Where, when I languish, Where, in my need to know, where can I run? Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish? Who, who can understand? He, only One.” The who that we can all turn to is Jesus Christ. If you were like me, the thought of turning to Jesus Christ was daunting. The idea of getting support from Jesus Christ was scary. I honestly thought I was too far gone to b...

The largest organism in the world isn’t exactly what you think. I know for me, I always thought something like the blue whale was the largest organism in the world. Can you imagine my surprise when I learned one of the largest organisms in the world is my home state of Utah! There is an aspen grove in central Utah next to Fish Lake named Pando . This grove of aspen trees is thousands of years old and spans 108 acres. One of the many reasons why this grove of aspen trees has lasted so long is it’s root system. Under the ground, all the roots are intertwined together. So when storms and winds come through the valley, each tree anchors another tree. So in all reality, the only way to blow down one tree is to blow them all over. It is easy to see how Pando’s strength has come from the storms and winds affecting it. Let’s consider one tree in the aspen grove. As a storm comes through, the tree will recognize it needs to grow a thicker trunk to withstand the wind. Additionally, since the tr...

    Personal revelation is an important part of addiction recovery. Throughout all the steps there is a need to listen to the Holy Ghost and truly understand what is being taught. When I think back to the steps before step 11, I can see where listening to the Holy Ghost and acting on those promptings truly helped me find sobriety. There were several times while I was writing my moral inventory that I did or did not want to write something down. In those situations, I was able to rely on the Holy Ghost to help me know what I should and should not write down. In step 6 and step 7, we are invited to identify negative characteristics and become willing to give them to God. This requires an inward look that only the Holy Ghost can provide. Once a characteristic is identified, relying on the Holy Ghost to teach you how to give up those characteristics is necessary and needful. I cannot begin to explain how much I needed the Holy Ghost to teach me how to give up characteristics like ...

     Boy Scouts were an essential part of my childhood. I loved going to scouts and participating in the many merit badges. One such merit badge that I enjoyed was orienteering. The orienteering merit badge aims to teach scouts to be great at using compasses for navigation. [ 1 ]      During one such training, I recall a leader teaching us about choosing landmarks as we took bearings. He said to ensure we identified noticeable, stationary objects that we could always look toward and see. He added that we shouldn't select objects that were not noticeable or stationary. The example he used was an eagle in a tree. He pointed out that although the eagle was noticeable, there was a chance the eagle might fly away. We learned to look for landmarks we would always notice and could ensure would not move.     This lesson I learned in orienteering applies to addiction recovery as well. There is a landmark that I have learned I can orient to and know I am he...

The Balancing Act      A huge part of addiction recovery is making amends. The habits, characteristics, and traits learned while participating in addiction are harmful to the individual and hard for everyone around them. Ripples in water after throwing a stone are an excellent way to visualize this phenomenon. Our actions have ripples. These ripples affect the lives of those around us.      Making amends is an act of faith and quite the balancing act. Caution and action must be balanced in this effort to make amends with those hurt by our actions. When caution and action are balanced, the addict has spent time on their knees praying with God and consulting with trusted advisors on how to reach out and make amends. When caution and action are not balanced, efforts become impulsive and careless or they become procrastinated. In my recovery journey, I have experienced both of these. Being Impulsive and Careless     I remember talking to my sponsor ea...

    I watched a lot of westerns growing up. Something about the old west fascinated me! In almost every western I watched there was the infamous stand off between the hero and the villain. These stand offs were classic! The hero and the villain would stare at each other. The close up of their eyes and how stony they looked. One would always say something to get at the other. One of my favorite stand off lines came from The Outlaw Josey Wells . The hero looked at four other guys he's having a stand off with and says, "Are you going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" As you can imagine, the four guys 'blink' and Josey wins the fight.     Before I started my journey, I have encountered similar stand offs. I had been hurt by people in my past and hadn't learned to forgive them. Several of the people that had hurt me were people I had hurt as well. In my mind, before the my journey, it was stand off. I wasn't going to blink first. I blinked first, they wo...

There is a common principle in weight training known as progressive overload. This principle suggests the intensity of workouts should be increased over time. Pretty simple, and should be easy to implement right? Well, on paper, sure. In application, maybe not. Applying the principle of progressive overload requires an individual to be willing to change and then change when the time is right. For instance, suppose an individual can do 5 push-ups. The principle of progressive overload would suggest that for this individual to get stronger and build more muscle, they should try for 6 push ups. Once that is achieved, move on to 7 push ups. So on, and so forth. Over time, this means the individual must make consistent, little changes over time to get stronger. At some point, the individual will begin to regress if they do not increase the number of push-ups. Why is this? The muscles of the human body require stress to grow. If an individual doesn’t apply that stress, the muscles in the hu...

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. ( Isaiah 55:8-9 ) When I started step 4, I honestly believed it would be relatively painless and straightforward the first time I tried to do a moral inventory. I figured it was as easy as pie. I saw myself sitting down with a piece of paper, writing down all my actions - both good and bad, and then moving on to step 5. The Lord, however, saw step 4 differently than I did. In fact, the way I wanted to do step 4 really wasn’t a moral inventory at all. It was a grocery list of things that I wanted to be forgiven of but didn’t want to investigate or ponder on. I tried the ‘grocery list’ approach several times. Each time I tried, I failed. I found myself trying to build a moral inventory that coul...

This week in ARP, we reviewed step 3: “Trust in God”. This step is often referred to as the decision step in addiction recovery. It is a step that seems simple, but has profound impact on the individual’s life. In my own experience, step 3 was a beautiful and trying step. It was the first time, in a long time, that I truly understood the direction that I was going. Learning to make correct decisions and trusting in God is not an easy thing to do after addiction. In my case, there were times all I wanted to do was look at pornography, masturbate, create contention, or something else because I was triggered. Fortunately, step 3 provides a different solution: make a decision to trust in God. Choosing to trust in God is not an easy decision. In fact, it is down right scary for someone recovering from addiction. In my experience, I found myself willing to trust in God in some things, but in other things I was more reluctant to give my trust to God. Why is that? Addiction taught me, and eve...

I serve the young men in my ward here in Utah. Last night, the activity was teaching the young men how to build a fire. It was very interesting to see how the boys approached their fire building. Some took the time to start with small kindling, others threw everything they could in a pile and hoped for the best. Then the moment of truth came: it was time to light the fires. The leader who was leading the activity struck a match, applied it to the fire, and his fire took off. The young men were amazed and excited! Then each young man took two matches, and tried to start their fires. Each fire started, but fizzled out quickly. Each young man was disappointed and realized they had made some mistakes in building their fire. The biggest thing each boy realized was they didn’t start with the small, light kindling first. Some boys did, but didn’t allow for appropriate oxygen flow to the kindling. We talked about why it is important to start with small, light kindling first. The young men al...

In the New Testament, Jesus Christ taught the parable of the 10 virgins. This parable is found in the Gospel of Matthew. It reads as follows: “Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five  were  foolish. They that  were  foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying,  Not so;  lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, t...

Barriers to entry is a real thing in life. If you want to be a doctor, the barrier to entry is long hours being educated, rotations, internships, post graduate work, etc. This can equate to years and years of work! If you want to be a teacher, there are requirements to be met as well: education, teaching internships, continuous learning, etc. Again, years and years of work. In each of these examples, and there are many others, the barriers to entry require years and years of work before you actually achieve your goal! This brings me to a question that I was pondering this week: What are the barriers to entry to start the addiction recovery journey? As I pondered this question, I remembered a story about our Savior, Jesus Christ, in the New Testament. A father brought his son to Jesus. The father explained the son’s condition and begged for compassion and help from the Savior. The Savior response to this father was, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth....

I like to consider myself a problem solver. This means when I hear a problem, my immediate response is to solve the problem. I don’t take the time to think, I just want to act. What I have come to learn is moving to solving a problem without thinking about it is a coping mechanism. If I just moved on to solving a problem, I don’t have to think about the emotions tied to the problem, I just look at the problem. So why is this a coping mechanism? There are two issues with this coping mechanism. First, it becomes an unhealthy mechanism to not address the issue. When I looked at the ‘problem’, I looked an event, not what caused the event. This means I’m not trying to try to change to move forward, I’m just trying to make myself feel better. Second, I’m not trying to change my character and do the hard work behind it. By not looking at the emotions behind the event, I can’t really change. I’m not addressing the causes of the issue, I’m addressing the story. When I sit with my feelings from...

Your eyes will always dictate where you are going. If you are looking forward, your body will have a forward lean and motion. If you are looking to the side, your body will begin to move in that direction and orient itself in that way as well. The same goes for looking behind you or in any other direction. Wherever you look, chances are you will move in that direction. This idea of looking in a direction dictates movement was something I had to learn in my addiction recovery journey. For so many years, I figured if I just focused on abstinence and sobriety I would rid my life of this addiction. Unfortunately, this was not the case. When I was focused on abstinence and sobriety, I found myself looking in the direction of pornography and judging my success by how far I was from it. In essence, I was looking toward my addiction but trying to walk to Christ. This act is very unstable and often leads to relapses - which I experienced a lot of! It wasn’t until much later that I realized th...

What an amazing day today! I had the chance to be on the “Forgive and Thrive” podcast today. We talked about the importance of discussing pornography and why we need to get the topic out there. I had such an amazing time on the podcast. Throughout the podcast, I brought up the mirror test. This test is something my mom started with me and I have shared with a few brothers in recovery. You look into the mirror and then state what you see. I know when I looked in the mirror, I saw an addict. I saw someone with a problem and that is what defined me. For long time, that is all I saw. Sure, there were some days where I saw less than that, but for the most part that is all I saw. It’s all I saw until an ARP mission shared a thought from Shakespeare’s comedy, “As you like it”. To best put it, I will share Elder Dale G Renlund’s thought, when he was serving in the Seventy: “The comedy  As You Like It,  written by the English playwright William Shakespeare, depicts a dramatic change ...