The Power of “I don’t know”

I like to consider myself a problem solver. This means when I hear a problem, my immediate response is to solve the problem. I don’t take the time to think, I just want to act. What I have come to learn is moving to solving a problem without thinking about it is a coping mechanism. If I just moved on to solving a problem, I don’t have to think about the emotions tied to the problem, I just look at the problem.

So why is this a coping mechanism? There are two issues with this coping mechanism. First, it becomes an unhealthy mechanism to not address the issue. When I looked at the ‘problem’, I looked an event, not what caused the event. This means I’m not trying to try to change to move forward, I’m just trying to make myself feel better. Second, I’m not trying to change my character and do the hard work behind it. By not looking at the emotions behind the event, I can’t really change. I’m not addressing the causes of the issue, I’m addressing the story. When I sit with my feelings from these events, I can attempt to change myself for the better.

This leads me to an answer that I have had to come to grips with, “I don’t know”. As I have learned to sit with my feelings and emotions, I understand what needs to change. Then I have to ask how to do I change. This can lead to the answer of “I don’t know” and that is fine. What this actually does is signal there is an area of growth. I’ve learned to address the emotions rather than the thoughts. For instance, I’ve had to work really hard on learning to forgive. I learned that I want to be forgiven but I expect others to come to me to ask for forgiveness before I give it. Not only is this extremely prideful, but this means I’m carrying a grudge for however long it takes for someone to ask for forgiveness. I didn’t know what to do. That is when I learned about letting go from a YouTube video by Clark Kegley. He brought up the questions of “Can I allow this feeling?”, “Could I allow this feeling?”, and “Would I allow this feeling?”.

I realized that some of the pain that I was feeling about the ‘situation’ was from not addressing the feelings behind it. I, ultimately, wasn’t forgiving the individual because I felt vindicated in my position. When I realized this, I found the solution to the area of “I don’t know” in this case. I began to move on learning to forgive, becoming willing to forgive, and then forgiving them (transparency - I’m still working on this with a lot of situations in my life). This was incredibly freeing to my mind, heart, and soul. I no longer worried about the individual because I was trying to forgive them. I was getting closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ, because I was trying to forgive. I was becoming a better person because I was trying to forgive.

So, when something happens and you sit with your feelings, it’s okay to say “I don’t know”. This is empowering and is an indicator there is some personal growth about to happen!

Here’s to 24 more hours!