Addiction Recovery: A road less traveled

Today, in combined Young Men’s and Women’s, we studied the book of Hosea and his recorded marriage with Gomer ( Hosea 1 and Hosea 2 ). This record starts off with God commanding Hosea to marry Gomer. According to the Old Testament, Gomer was a woman of whoredoms and Hosea was a prophet. The instructor asked the youth to read verses from Hosea 1 and Hosea 2. After the readings, the teacher asked the youth to list out characteristics of Gomer. These are a few of the characteristics they listed: Selfish Cheating Short-sighted Disobedient Unloyal Unkind Forgetful Then the youth were asked to list characteristics of Hosea. Here were some of the characteristics the youth identified: Selfless Serving Loving End in Mind attitude Loyal Kind Forgiving As we continued to read the account in the Old Testament, we learned that this marriage was an example of our relationship with God. This really hit me pretty hard - especially as a recovering addict. Was this really how my re

One of the most famous parables in the New Testament is the Prodigal Son. ( Luke 15:11-32 ) This parable is a fantastic example of learning to let go and get your life back. The prodigal son’s father was a right man. We learn the prodigal son wanted his inheritance. After receiving his inheritance, this son went off the deep end (if you will). He made some awful decisions that led to him wanting to eat what he was feeding pigs. This is when the prodigal son hit ‘rock bottom’. He came to himself and went back to his father. He was prepared to let go of his pride and ego to serve his father just so he could eat. What the prodigal son didn’t know was his father’s love for him. Once the prodigal son turned to his father, that is when he learned how much his father loved him and was ready to help him. The same is true with addiction recovery. Our Father in Heaven is a gentleman in the fact He will not stop us from making choices. If we choose to act out, our Father in Heaven will not stop

Every journey starts with the first step. I’ve heard this comment my entire life. It’s something that makes logical sense to everyone. The question that I found myself asking is: What does the first step look like? In addiction recovery, the first step was to admit that I was no longer in control of my life - my addiction was in control of my life. It took me quite some time to realize that I was no longer in control. When I look back now, I can see all the signs and triggers. I really wasn’t in control. I was at the mercy of my addiction and I was not strong enough to take my life back. The beautiful thing about addiction recovery is I didn’t have to be strong enough to take on my addiction. I had to be strong enough to turn my head and look to my Savior, Jesus Christ. Like the children of Israel, as they left Egypt and were bitten by fiery serpents, all I had to do was look to Jesus Christ to start my journey. Now, I will admit, this was not an easy task. Admitting I was no longer

After being in the ARP program for 3 years, I heard something that will forever stay with me. This wise man said, “You get to choose when you are at rock bottom.” All addiction recovery journeys start at rock bottom. This is a place where the only direction one can go is up. All other options are removed. The only option is to reach up toward Heaven fully dependent upon the grace and power of Jesus Christ. The idea of choosing when I was at rock bottom never occurred to me. I was definitely floundering, but I didn’t think I was at rock bottom. This wise man presented a different way of thinking. Maybe I wasn’t floundering, maybe, just maybe, I was skidding across the rock bottom floor. It took me several more months, but I soon found that is exactly what I was doing: just skidding across the rock bottom floor. That is when I decided it was time for me to decide where my rock bottom was. I started paying more attention to my desires and passions. I looked for meetings. I spent time me

The New Testament is filled with the amazing miracles of Jesus. One such miracle is when Jesus healed a man with palsy. Luke records, “And, behold, men brought in a bed a man which was taken with a palsy: and they sought  means  to bring him in, and to lay  him  before him. And when they could not find by what  way  they might bring him in because of the multitude, they went upon the housetop, and let him down through the tiling with  his  couch into the midst before Jesus.” ( Luke 5:18-19 ) What I love about this story is those who were helping the man with palsy did whatever they could to bring the man with palsy to Jesus. We don’t know much about the man with palsy, but I like to think the man with palsy asked for help. Hearing about Jesus he probably gathered his friends together in the hopes of seeing Jesus. His friends, who also heard about Jesus, were equally as excited to bring the man with palsy to Jesus. Luke continues, “And when he saw their faith, he said unto him, Man, th

The day I decided to come clean about my addiction was a very humbling one. I knew it was a problem, and I knew I needed help. I started with my dad. A little background about my dad. He is a retired infantry Marine and a great businessman. He is a leader in his community. His will to accomplish something is iron and almost bulletproof at times. Yet, he has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. He provides service when and where he can. He loves his family with all his heart and shows it every day. When I decided to start with my dad, I was terrified. I loved my dad, and I was concerned that my past would change how he looked at me. I sat him down and opened up. I talked about my past, and my desire to be clean from my addiction. I cried as we spoke, and I cried hard. When I was finished, he sat there and looked at me. I was nervous about what he was going to say. His response was filled with love. He said, “Billy, I love you. You are my son, and always will be my son. How can I

 In my graduate program at the University of Utah, I had to select an adviser. This person would help me select the courses that I needed to take, advise on projects, and help me stay focused. Most importantly, this adviser was there to provide honest and powerful feedback to me. The adviser was not there to sugarcoat anything. The individual I selected was born in Eastern Europe and was brutally honest. They were very direct in their speech. I learned a lot from them but I also learned how important an adviser was to my academic progress. In addiction recovery, a sponsor is an individual who serves as an adviser of sorts. A sponsor's role is to help other addicts in their journey. Having a significant amount of time in sobriety, the sponsor can provide advice, give insight, and help those they sponsor stay focused. It is an amazing responsibility to be a sponsor to anyone in their journey. For the addict, selecting a sponsor can be a difficult task. It’s quite humbling trying to

While I was in cub scouts, I remember a demonstration about the support system necessary for the young scout to succeed. The den leader asked the cub scout to try to get a single wooden rod to stand. The young scout would try and try but failed. The den leader asked the young scout to get two rods to stand together. Again, the young man struggled but couldn’t get the two rods to stand together. Finally, the den leader gave the young scout a third rod and some twine. The den leader, the scout, and the parents of the scout worked together to build a tripod to get the three sticks to work together. The den leader then explained to the scout, and the rest of the den, that it took the scout, the scout’s parents, and the den leaders working together to find success. The idea of working together to find success is also true in addiction recovery. Most addiction recovery successes come from individuals who understand they can’t do it themselves. It literally takes a support system for the add

Okay, I’m going to start something new this week. I have been feeling there needs to be a change. The feeling is this: I want this blog to follow the current step each week in the Addiction Recovery Program. This week we will be reading the “Support in Recovery” document. This document highlights several ways to find support during the recovery process. Additionally, this document highlights how someone trying to find recovery can identify and work with a sponsor. Finally, this document highlights the role and responsibilities of a sponsor. It is a fantastic document! I highly encourage you to read it. What stood out to me today when I read the document was how Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are our biggest advocates and supporters during the recovery process. When I started my recovery journey, I believed that I had to earn God’s love. I had traveled so far off the beaten path that I was hoping that God loved me rather than knowing that God loved me. I hoped and ho

At my ward’s Sacrament meeting today, I heard what is lovingly referenced as “ The Parable of Pushups and Donuts ”. It goes as follows: There was a boy by the name of Steve who was attending school in a western state. Mr. Christianson taught at this particular school. He had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Mr. Christianson’s class. Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over. One day, Mr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Mr. Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, “You think you’re pretty tough, don’t you?” Steve’s answer was, “Yeah, I do.” Then Mr. Christianson asked, “How many push-u

While I was attending the University of Utah, I overheard an interesting conversation between a student and a professor. The student was a graduate student and began explaining his idea. The conversation that followed was interesting and captivating. Then the professor asked how much time the graduate student had in his program. After the student reported his time left, the professor gave him this advice: “Start writing.” I could hear the tone of his voice. He said it with a sense of urgency and caution. As a student myself, I knew the pitfalls of not putting ideas on paper. Ideas might germinate in the mind, but they grow into mathematical facts on paper. This is due to the writer having to think through the idea and truly show what they have learned. This idea of ‘start writing’ is also true for addiction recovery - especially during the moral inventory. The mind doesn’t forget anything, but its recall power can be light sometimes. This is where the power of writing comes into play

There is value in understanding the process. There are processes all over the place. Recently, at work, I had this conversation with a mentor. I had the feeling that I was falling behind. I felt like I wasn’t doing my job. I felt like I hadn’t done enough to warrant any sort of congratulations. As I talked with this mentor, we ultimately found that I was unfairly comparing myself to another colleague. This colleague has been doing this work for 10 or more years. I have been doing this work for four months. I realized there was a disconnect there. At this point, my mentor told me something powerful: trust the process. He coached me by telling me that I am learning the process. I had seen the process once before and now I was actually in the process. He then went on to say that, over time, I would continue to sharpen my skills, become better at the process, and even look for ways to improve the process. My mentor wanted me to be assured that I was not, in any way, underperforming. I was

Growing up, I played a lot of baseball. To this day, Opening Day is one of my favorite days of the year! Being able to go to a game, have a hot dog, and enjoy some great play is thrilling. What makes baseball games even more exciting is being able to enjoy the game with friends and family. A common saying in baseball is “keep your eye on the ball”. This saying applies to individuals catching and hitting the ball. Those catching keep their eyes on the ball and watch it go into their glove. This ensures the player catches the ball. Those hitting the ball have to keep their eyes on the ball and watch it make contact with the bat. If the hitter lifts their eyes before contact is made, there isn’t a guarantee a hit actually occurs. Often, the hitter misses the ball when they lift their eyes. “Keeping your eye on the ball” is also important in writing a moral inventory. The goal of the inventory is to explore the past and identify the characteristics that drove actions or memories. A commo

In the movie, "Crossfire Trail", there is an interaction that I love. One younger character, J.T., is trying to file a horseshoe. The scene shows him vigorously trying to run the file back and forth with a lot of effort. One of the older characters, Joe, sees J.T. putting in a lot of effort that really isn't paying off. Joe makes a statement that I absolutely love in teaching J.T. that it's okay to slow down and be patient. Joe says, "If you slow down and take your time, you'll have a more harmonious outcome." Joe then gets up and shows J.T. with slow, consistent movements, the horseshoe is filed efficiently and quickly. There is an inherent need for addicts to rush through everything. I know when I was doing my moral inventory, I found myself trying to rush it. In fact, I claimed that I did my very first moral inventory in a matter of hours. I put in a lot of effort, but it wasn't efficient and I didn't really learn anything. I shared my moral

One of my favorite movies is “Eragon”. It is a story about fantasy movie about a young man who obtains a dragon egg and becomes a dragon rider. Towards the end of the movie, Eragon is talking with his dragon, Saphira. He explains to Saphira that he is not without fear. Saphira then says my favorite lines in the movie: “Without fear, there cannot be courage. But when we are together, it is our enemies who should be afraid!” A moral inventory requires courage. There are moments when fear will enter the process. I remember several times when I felt fearful. I knew that when I wrote certain things down, they would be real and not just a memory of a past event. It would be something that I would need to act on. I would have to think through the event and really unpack what went on. More times than I want to admit, I really wanted to give up. I didn’t have a dragon like Eragon did. I did have the Savior, Jesus Christ. I knew I had fear in my heart. I also knew that fear was a weakness. In

A robust business excellence methodology is found in Six Sigma. This methodology seeks to improve processes using structured methods and analyses. The primary methodology of Six Sigma is the DMAIC (D-MAY-IC) process. This process provides an outline that any practitioner can use to improve a process. The ‘D’ in DMAIC stands for Define step. In the ‘Define’ step, the practitioner identifies the exact problem that needs to be addressed, the current state of the process, and what the future state of the process looks like. This work provides the foundation for which a new, more efficient process to be developed. The moral inventory found in step 4 of the recovery process is similar to the ‘Define’ process. The moral inventory provides the opportunity to truly review the past. This requires the addict to review their life, the bad and the good. Reviewing past sins and successes enables the addict to learn and understand what actions and drivers have shaped their life. There are some key