Step 1: Honesty

Every journey starts with the first step. I’ve heard this comment my entire life. It’s something that makes logical sense to everyone. The question that I found myself asking is: What does the first step look like?

In addiction recovery, the first step was to admit that I was no longer in control of my life - my addiction was in control of my life. It took me quite some time to realize that I was no longer in control. When I look back now, I can see all the signs and triggers. I really wasn’t in control. I was at the mercy of my addiction and I was not strong enough to take my life back.

The beautiful thing about addiction recovery is I didn’t have to be strong enough to take on my addiction. I had to be strong enough to turn my head and look to my Savior, Jesus Christ. Like the children of Israel, as they left Egypt and were bitten by fiery serpents, all I had to do was look to Jesus Christ to start my journey.

Now, I will admit, this was not an easy task. Admitting I was no longer in control and needed Jesus in my life was hard. I had formed some bad habits and attitudes. I wanted to do addiction recovery my way. I wanted to find the perfect balance between what God’s commandments are and what I wanted. This prideful, and arrogant, attitude kept me from making a lot of progress. It hampered my ability to see my life through God’s eyes and love.

Finally, I had had enough. I had just relapsed and felt miserable. I was emotionally drained and painfully aware of my lack of strength. Similar to the prophet, Alma, I remembered something my dad had shared with me about how much love and hope he had because of Jesus Christ. As my mind fixated on this thought, I did something that Alma described: “And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.” (Alma 36:17-18)

After I expressed myself to God and admitted I was no longer in control, I felt a weight lifted. I felt the weight replaced with hope. I learned that by letting go of control and letting Christ take the lead, my pride was replaced by hope. It was because I was honest with my God that I started to feel hope for the future.

I promise that if you, the reader, choose to be honest with God and let him take control, He will lead you. You will be led, as Lehi and his family, through the most fertile parts of life. It may not seem like it at first, but when God is leading, you are always going in the right direction.

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