What can I really give to God?

 In the animated series, “The Justice League”, Wonder Woman and Batman are flying to the Fortress of Solitude to deliver birthday presents to Superman. Wonder Woman explained her gift to Batman. When Wonder Woman asked Batman what he got for Superman, Batman remained silent. Wonder Woman then said something to the effect of ‘Did you get him a gift card?’ Batman paused and replied ‘What do you get someone who has everything?’

This question of ‘what do you give someone who has everything?’ has plagued me for years. In fact, it was the cause of many relapses. I saw myself as insignificant and worthless. I looked at God, who I saw as having everything, and wondered what on Earth I could do to show my love to him. Yes, the primary answers can easily be applied here: pray, study your scriptures, be a good person, serve, go to the temple, etc. For some reason, I wanted more. I wanted some grand expression of love to show God I truly loved Him.

It wasn’t until later I realized the problem with the ‘grand expression’. Typically, the ‘grand expression’ is for the one giving the gift rather than the one receiving the gift. It’s a statement ‘look how great I am!’ to everyone around. This was definitely an expression of pride, but it was something more - it was an inner expression that I wanted God to notice me and give me validation. I had forgotten the lesson that God taught Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7, “But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

God wasn’t going to reward me for doing something grand because I wanted praise. So, I had to learn how to address my pride and replace it with faith in Christ. It wasn’t until I really started my recovery journey that I realized I did have something that I could give to God. It wasn’t loud, and it definitely wouldn’t be an outward grand expression. It would be something far quieter and more humble. Something that only God and I could see. There wouldn’t be a loud noise and definitely wouldn’t be something that I bang my chest about.

Here is what I found to give to God. Elder Neil A. Maxwell, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, shared the following: “The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. It is a hard doctrine, but it is true. The many other things we give to God, however nice that may be of us, are actually things He has already given us, and He has loaned them to us. But when we begin to submit ourselves by letting our wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him” (“Insights from My Life,” Ensign, Aug. 2000, 9). By simply choosing God’s will over my own, I could give something to God: my will.

So, I went down this path with a lot of energy. I stumbled a lot too! I struggled to humble myself to choose God’s will over my own in so many ways. I expected immediate blessings. I expected immediate relief from pain. I expected a lot of things. What I didn’t expect was choosing God’s will over my own also meant I was choosing God’s timing and plan as well. I couldn’t conform God’s will to my plan. It doesn’t work that way. What I could do was choose God’s will, God’s timing, and God’s plan. It took a lot of humility and faith, but here are just some of the blessings I have observed from those decisions:

  • Sobriety
  • Marriage in the holy temple
  • A wife who loves me with all her heart
  • Feeling peace in stressful situations
  • Being able to talk to friends about anything with confidence.

I have learned that letting go of my will and choosing God’s will is the most courageous thing anyone can do. Furthermore, it is empowering to know I have committed to a way of acting because I love God and am willing to follow His plan rather than being caught unaware in a dangerous situation. Life becomes simple when choosing God’s will over our own.

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