Blink First!

    I watched a lot of westerns growing up. Something about the old west fascinated me! In almost every western I watched there was the infamous stand off between the hero and the villain. These stand offs were classic! The hero and the villain would stare at each other. The close up of their eyes and how stony they looked. One would always say something to get at the other. One of my favorite stand off lines came from The Outlaw Josey Wells. The hero looked at four other guys he's having a stand off with and says, "Are you going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" As you can imagine, the four guys 'blink' and Josey wins the fight.

    Before I started my journey, I have encountered similar stand offs. I had been hurt by people in my past and hadn't learned to forgive them. Several of the people that had hurt me were people I had hurt as well. In my mind, before the my journey, it was stand off. I wasn't going to blink first. I blinked first, they would think they were right - and obviously I was right or so I thought. For the longest time, I stood in several of these stand offs for a long time. This not only allowed ill will and resentment to remain in my life, it allowed them to grow!

    Then I started my journey and came to step 8. In this step, the individual makes a list of persons they have harmed in the past and present. This seems like a difficult thing to do. To help the individual find motivation, they are encouraged to make a list of people that had hurt them and work on forgiving them. In the terms of the stand off, this meant blinking first and ending the stand off. I struggled with this idea. How could I possibly forgive these people for what they had done to me!? 

    There is an invitation in step 8 to help learn how to forgive. The invitation is to think of person who had hurt you in the past. For at least two weeks, pray for them by name and seek to forgive them. At first, I thought this invitation was silly and pointless. I decided to give it a try on a family member that I needed to forgive. I spent time - longer than two weeks - on my knees praying for this family member. 

    Initially, everything I was praying for was just words. Over time, the Lord took it from there. As I prayed for this family member, I started to feel something. I started to see them as God saw them. My words started to have feeling behind them. Soon, I found myself really wanting the very best for them and wanting to forgive them. My prayers turned from "I hope that I can forgive" to "I want to forgive" to "Help me forgive" to "I forgive". 

    I stopped seeing this family member as someone I was having a stand off with. They weren't my opponent. They were a child of God and I was finally seeing that. I could blink first and let the stand off end without expecting them to make the first move. The peace that came from that decision was amazing. I no longer feared the thought of that individual. I honestly felt joy and hope for that family member. I wanted them to be happy and experience joy! I could finally let go and forgive them. 

    As hard as it is to forgive others - and ourselves - it is important to remember what the Lord revealed to the prophet Joseph Smith: "Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:9-10) 

    The addiction recovery journey is meant to help all come unto Christ. By forgiving others, Christ is invited into our lives. He can heal our hearts and souls. He does this because he loves us. By forgiving others we show that we love him! 

    I wish you a sober and joyous week! See you next time!