Make sure to get back up!

One phrase my dad used always to tell me was “If you get knocked down, dust yourself off, and get back up”. To a kid, this often meant if you fall down, you get back up. To a recovering addict, getting back up if a relapse occurs. This isn’t the easiest thing to do. There is a whole shame cycle that comes from relapses. I know when I would relapse constantly, I would have regret, then anger, then resolved I would never do it again, go some time without a relapse, then relapse. It was a never-ending cycle. I tried to keep my relapses to myself, but I’m sure a lot of people saw something was off. I would try to make light of it, but I know they saw something was off.

Making sure to get back up after a relapse, in my mind, has several steps to it. First, it is important to communicate a relapse has happened. This is a hard thing to do. Talking about mistakes and weaknesses is not a strength among most humans. In fact, most of us, myself included, would rather go to great lengths to hide our mistakes and faults. Unfortunately, faults and mistakes always come out. There is a lot of pain felt by the addict and those who support them when no communication happens.

I will never forget the look of pain and sadness my girlfriend, who I later married, felt when I told her about my last relapse. She asked a simple question, “How long have you been sober?”. I responded with my days, knowing I had not told her about my relapse. With tears in her eyes, she told me to never hide that from her again. She wanted to know if I ever relapsed again. It was a difficult conversation. I thought I had lost the best thing in my life. I am sure she was hurt and I’m sure it took a bit of time for her to heal.

What did I take from that experience? It is never appropriate to not communicate when I’ve been knocked down or feel like I’m about to be knocked down. I can’t begin to count the number of times since that experience I have reached out to my wife. When I feel triggered, anxious, depressed, or whatever, I reach out to her and ask her for help. I have found communicating is a great power to get back up.

Second, make sure to apply grace to the situation. The Savior, Jesus Christ, was approached by the scribes and Pharisees. They brought a woman, taken in adultery, to Jesus. Then this question was posed to Jesus, “Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?” (John 8:4-5) Jesus, being the master teacher and beyond their tricks, didn’t answer immediately. It wasn’t until they had asked several times that Jesus answered, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7) The scribes and Pharisees realized they hadn’t tricked Jesus and left. Soon, it was just Jesus and the woman. The interaction that follows is among the sweetest and most precious lessons in the New Testament. Jesus asked the woman, “Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?” (John 8:10) The woman, seeing she was alone with Jesus, replied, “No man, Lord.” Then Jesus replied, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” (John 8:11)

The lesson here is Jesus isn’t going to condemn. Instead, Jesus wants us to come to him and sin no more. So, if Jesus isn’t going to condemn, the individual doesn’t have to condemn themselves. Apply a little grace to life. Don’t fixate on the mistake. Instead, fixate on Christ and let him help us up after we fall.

The final step in getting back up is repenting. In the Book of Mormon, the Lord taught the prophet Alma how often the Lord is going to forgive his people: “Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.” (Mosiah 26:30) The Lord is willing to forgive us. Often enough, I learned that when I fell down, I felt like God wasn’t going to forgive me. Now, I know that God wants to forgive me. He wants me to come to Him and repent. Often, repenting means making small changes to align my life with God. There have been times that it requires a lot more; however, I have always found a loving God that wants to see me succeed!

Falling down hurts. It isn’t fun. It isn’t something any one of us wants to do. Yet, when we fall down, We have a loving Savior that is always there to help us back up. He is the one that is reminding us to never give up, never stay down, and always make sure to get back up.