Building a moral inventory

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

When I started step 4, I honestly believed it would be relatively painless and straightforward the first time I tried to do a moral inventory. I figured it was as easy as pie. I saw myself sitting down with a piece of paper, writing down all my actions - both good and bad, and then moving on to step 5. The Lord, however, saw step 4 differently than I did. In fact, the way I wanted to do step 4 really wasn’t a moral inventory at all. It was a grocery list of things that I wanted to be forgiven of but didn’t want to investigate or ponder on.

I tried the ‘grocery list’ approach several times. Each time I tried, I failed. I found myself trying to build a moral inventory that couldn’t help me find lasting recovery. Then, I finally realized there is a difference between doing it my way and doing it the Lord’s way. Looking back, this realization reminded me of the prophet, Nephi, when he was commanded to build a boat. Nephi didn’t know how to build a boat. His first question, interestingly enough, wasn’t “How do I build a boat?”. Nephi’s first question was “Lord, whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?” (1 Nephi 17:9) After that question, and many other touchpoints, Nephi was shown how to build a boat according to the Lord’s design.

With this new information from the Lord, I asked what I needed to do to find recovery. The first thing I learned was I needed a sponsor. I took the time to ponder and pray about who should be my sponsor. A name and face came to my mind. I knew who I needed to ask to be my sponsor. The following week, I asked this brother if he would be my sponsor. He lovingly agreed and set his expectations. It was a great conversation and one that will forever bless my life.

When I got back to step 4, I attempted the moral inventory again. It started out like every other attempt: a grocery list. My sponsor stopped me and began explaining the moral inventory is much more than a grocery list. It’s a way for me to explore and learn the ‘why’ behind my actions. He encouraged me to re-read step 4 in the guidebook and try again. I did read step 4 again and learned I needed to tie my actions to characteristics that would trigger a relapse or negative action. Some of these characteristics were pride, lust, and loneliness. With this new moral inventory, I went back to my sponsor thinking I was done.

I quickly learned I was not done. My sponsor told me he was proud of my efforts, but we needed to go a little further on my moral inventory. I had identified the characteristics that triggered negative actions, but what did I need to replace them with? So, I went back to my moral inventory. I realized the characteristics needed to be replaced with Christ-like attributes. That week, I pondered over the characteristics that led to my actions and what were Christ-like attributes needed to replace those characteristics. I saw attributes like faith in Christ, humility, charity, and patience as recurring themes.

The next time my sponsor and I met, I shared with him my learnings. He sat back, listened, and then smiled. He agreed that my moral inventory was complete. It was time to move on to step 5. It was an amazing feeling and something that I think about and cherish often.

The step 4 moral inventory seemed like a whirlwind and storm at the time. Looking back, I can see how powerful and impactful my moral inventory was for me. I can’t begin to explain how amazing and beautiful a completed moral inventory feels. To have all your life, written down, giving you insight on where you need to go is a blessing - I would go as far as saying a miracle!