Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

This week in ARP, we reviewed step 3: “Trust in God”. This step is often referred to as the decision step in addiction recovery. It is a step that seems simple, but has profound impact on the individual’s life. In my own experience, step 3 was a beautiful and trying step. It was the first time, in a long time, that I truly understood the direction that I was going. Learning to make correct decisions and trusting in God is not an easy thing to do after addiction. In my case, there were times all I wanted to do was look at pornography, masturbate, create contention, or something else because I was triggered. Fortunately, step 3 provides a different solution: make a decision to trust in God.

Choosing to trust in God is not an easy decision. In fact, it is down right scary for someone recovering from addiction. In my experience, I found myself willing to trust in God in some things, but in other things I was more reluctant to give my trust to God. Why is that? Addiction taught me, and every other addict, that they need to be in control. To hold life with such a vice grip to make things happen for them, no matter the cost. Over time though, the need to control my life and not give my trust to God became so heavy and painful. At that point, it became easier to make the decision to give my trust to God. The power of that decision is a miracle in my opinion. Being willing to put the will of God over your own is a difficult thing but it is the most rewarding thing.

One of the miracles in my life that can from making correct decisions is my marriage to my wife. When I first met my wife, I was still in the thralls of addiction. It was difficult and painful. There were times I messed up in the early stages of our dating relationship. I finally told her that I had been addicted to pornography and wanted to go back to group meetings. I was expecting the worst from that conversation. What came from it was one of the most beautiful expressions of love I have ever felt. My sweetheart told me she loved me, she wasn’t worried who I was but who I was becoming. She told me she supported me in going to group meetings. We talk often about meetings, what I learned, and how I felt. The decision to trust in God and become sober definitely resulted in the blessing of marrying my wife.

I can’t promise what the blessing will be when decisions are made to trust in God. I can promise there were will be blessings. In fact, God himself made that promise. He said: “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” (D&C 130:20-21) This promise holds true for the addict and non-addict alike. If the decision is made to trust in God, then God will take care of the rest!