Jumping off the handle

In a recent General Conference address, President Russell M Nelson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints shared the following experience: “During my surgical internship many years ago, I assisted a surgeon who was amputating a leg filled with highly infectious gangrene. The operation was difficult. Then, to add to the tension, one of the team performed a task poorly, and the surgeon erupted in anger. In the middle of his tantrum, he threw his scalpel loaded with germs. It landed in my forearm!

Everyone in the operating room—except the out-of-control surgeon—was horrified by this dangerous breach of surgical practice. Gratefully, I did not become infected. But this experience left a lasting impression on me. In that very hour, I promised myself that whatever happened in my operating room, I would never lose control of my emotions. I also vowed that day never to throw anything in anger—whether it be scalpels or words.” (Peacemakers Needed, General Conference, April 2023).

I recently experienced something of the same sort. I was on a nightly walk with our dog, Toast. Like most nights, he went to the bathroom, and I picked up the results in a doggie bag. A few moments later, a car pulled up besides me, confirmed it was me and Toast that were on their lawn, and started to yell at me. Yes, there was vulgar language used, and yes, there was a threat made. I remembered some training at work I had received about interacting with an escalated individual. It is important to breath, assess the situation, and not escalate it further. I apologized for the infraction and promised to not let it happen again. This individual again made his threat and drove off.

To say I was horrified would be an understatement. I walked home and talked to my wife. I explained everything that had occurred. We decided to reach out to a family friend, a law enforcement professional, to understand what our next steps should be. Our friend suggested we keep Toast on a leash and avoid that yard. I sat with my wife and realized I had learned a few valuable lessons. First, I never want to lose control of my emotions like that. This loss of control not only scared me, but took away a night’s sleep. If I lost my control like that, how many other individuals am I really hurting? Additionally, by losing control of my emotions, I put myself in a position of not being ready to serve the Lord when He calls upon me. That is a situation I never want to be in.

Second, I never want to use language like they used. I will admit, I used to have a pretty bad potty mouth. I used foul language. Over the years, I have worked really hard to curve that, but I still find myself slipping here and there. After this experience, I see why the language we use is so important. Using that type of language not only puts down the person being talked to, but the individual using the words. The old adage of “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” works here. I thought back to the situation and tried to think about the conversation that could have happened. A polite, “Please don’t let your dog poop on my yard” would have solved everything. Instead, disrespectful and threatening language was used. I never want to use that type of language.

Finally, as our family friend said, remember the eternal perspective. He reminded me that this is just a bump on the road and will soon be forgotten. It is important to learn from these lessons and implement them. It is equally important to forgive individuals who hurt us so we can heal. By not working on trying to forgive this person, I can easily find myself losing control and using the language I don’t want to use. I spent the night asking God to help me forgive him, for him to forgive me, and for me to let go of the anxiety and stress of the situation. I am finding that letting go is not easy, but with God and my Savior, Jesus Christ, I can and will let go with their help.

In closing, I want to end with something the Savior, Jesus Christ, said to his apostles: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27) I know that the peace I am looking for when I have these experiences are found in Jesus Christ. I know the peace that can help us from jumping off the handle is found in Jesus Christ. I know the peace that can heal our souls is found in Jesus Christ.