Making comparisons is a lose-lose situation

Growing up, I always heard my mom and dad say “it’s not good to keep up with the Jones’s”. I struggled with that comment. There was a close family we were friends with that had the last name of Jones. I didn’t understand why we were trying to keep up with them. I saw we had completely different lifestyles and traditions. We had many similar goals, but a lot of goals were vastly different. It wasn’t until later that I realized what that phrase really meant.

“Keeping up with the Jones’s” is a comment that indicates an individual is trying to keep up with a different individual in worldly possessions. It suggests an individual is living their life above and beyond their means. Many people find themselves in difficult situations because they try to obtain things others have. It is evident in society today people are trying to chase things they aren’t ready for.

The same underlying idea of “Keeping up with the Jones’s” can be found in addiction recovery. I remember seeing men with years and years of sobriety. I saw what they were doing and I envied them. I started comparing my life against theirs - but in all the wrong ways. I looked at my few days of sobriety and compared them to their years. I looked at my last relapse and their ability to attend the temple. I looked at my single status and their marriage in the temple status. It is easy to see how I fell into the trap of being envious of things that I wanted but didn’t have.

Now, this comparison created two major losses for me. The first loss was I developed envy and a grudge against my brothers. I saw their “happy state” but I didn’t consider their faithful actions and how they were “holding out faithful until the end”. (Mosiah 2:41) I didn’t realize were we all running the same race, but they had been running longer. My brothers who had been sober for years had practiced and shared skills for years. I had been practicing for months. I wanted to be sober but I let my envy get the best of me at times.

The second loss came from being disillusioned about what sobriety looked like. Seeing where my brothers were, I would play out in my mind how I would be if I was sober for that long. I remember playing out scenarios where I was asked to talk at conferences and youth groups. I would tell people that if they were good, they too could find sobriety. I found myself being very prideful about who I wanted to be rather than focusing on who I should be. Instead of focusing on being a son of God and repenting, I was setting myself up like I was someone more special than my brothers. This disillusionment really made staying sober difficult.

At the end of the day, the race of sobriety and being disciples of Jesus Christ is long. Some have been running the race for a long time, while others have just started. Comparisons are important, but they can create lose-lose situations if not done through the lens of Christ. It is important to see the “happy state” of others, but it is more important to ask them why they are happy. More often than not, it is because they have made the commitment to “[hold] out faithful until the end” so they can receive a “never-ending happiness” with God. (Mosiah 2:41) If the focus is on their happiness, it will easily be found they have established themselves on “the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God.” (Helaman 5:12)